It's not a good day
by RaidenF
Summary: This...is not how I expected the video game to be. Nor the anime, for that matter. [probably a SI/OC]
1. chapter 1

"Nah, I'm gonna beat your shit this time," Ace, my best friend said, the smile on his face befitting that of a madman.

"Well, you're sure welcome to try," I said, a calm smirk on my face. I played with the buttons of my controller as I waited for the loading screen to go away. We were playing Ultimate Ninja Storm 3. As we waited, I drifted into thought.

The loud sound of the in-game Japanese announcer broke me from my thoughts. I let out a noise that sounded like a goat getting fucked before commanding Lee to get away from the Uchiha-clan slayer. Unfortunately for Lee, Itachi had just sent a huge fireball at him.

"Tch. Lucky move," I mumbled.

~v~

"Oh fuck!" I exclaimed, a hand reaching up to scratch my hair, "I don't have enough health to survive that!" Ace had just got Lee, my character of choice, into a tsukuyomi.

"Exactly," Ace said, a smug smirk smothered smoothly over his face. I felt the urge to backhand him.

"Hey why isn't it doing anything?" Ace asked, pointing to the screen. My irritated glare broke and I turned my gaze to the screen. Huh. It really wasn't doing anything. Itachi's mangekyo sharingan was just sort of...sitting there, spinning slowly. Nothing else was happening, though. I got up to check my PS3. It was old hardware -- thing's been soldiering on since 2010 or something. I was sure it just needed to be switched off and on again. I'd have to probably dust out the insides one day, though. With a hum of curiosity, I walked over to my console.

"Yo, you don't mind if I restart it right?" I asked. He shrugged at me and gave a thumbs up, before returning to whatever he was checking on his phone. I moved to press the button, but before I did, I looked up at the screen again.

"...I feel strange."

"Hey, you good?" I heard Ace say, but he sounded far off and distant.

"Hey! Oh shit, oh shit!" I felt dizzy.

"--...llo? We nee...lance…ickly, please..."

It was comforting to know that Ace was calling an ambulance while I got to know my floor a bit more personally.

I tried standing up again but my limbs wouldn't listen. I had to talk to my floor again. But this time, I stayed there.

I let the darkness consume me.

I didn't have the strength to resist it.

~v~

My eyes snapped open.

"Where-" I looked over to my right, which took a lot more effort than it should have. I saw a yellow haired baby, lying on its back, bawling its eyes out.

 _"Oi. Kid. Stop crying."_ I tried to speak, but it was as if my mouth didn't know how to work.

 _"Huh? Why aren't you doing the thing?"_ I thought, before moving ny head around -- rather slowly -- to look at myself.

"...who's fucking with me." I thought, the murderous intent being released from me rivaling that of the surrounding atmosphere.

"Who the _**FUCK**_ DECIDED THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO PUT ME IN A FUCKING BABY'S BODY!?"

If I had teeth, I would have been gritting them together. Fucking how. Why was I a baby now!? And whomst the fuck was next to me!?

Soon after my enraged awakening, I fell asleep, this new body being useless and having absolutely no damn energy.

~v~

Two years later, I was in the park, cursing my luck while punching at a tree. As soon as my vocal cords grew to a point where I could use them, I spent a lot of time flaunting my colourful vocabulary. Admittedly, I only did that when I was alone, lest one of the adults hear me and give me a spanking or something.

I kicked the tree with all my might. It did not budge.

"Who's fucking idea was it to put me in this fucking world?" I asked through gritted teeth. Nobody was around to answer, but that was okay. This way nobody would see the tears streaming down my face.

"I'm going to die here," I thought, stifling a sniffle as I moved over to the swings. There were people walking past, and they ignored me.

"Fuck you," I thought, digging my heels into the ground. The swing creaked with the weight of my small body as I rocked back and forth.

"Fuck the asshole that decided to shit on me by bringing me into the fucking Naruto-verse."

~v~

Ten years old. In this body, anyway. I hadn't gotten to the point where I'd be close to death, but I didn't think that day was too far ahead. Time here seemed a bit faster than usual, but that's probably just me.

I sighed as I walked over to the swings in the empty park. Another boy was sitting there, his spiky yellow hair as recognizable as the Coca-Cola logo.

"Yo," I greeted with a raised hand, as I took a seat on the swing next to him.

"Huh? Oh, uh, hi," he replied. He wasn't used to having people talk to him. That was to be expected, if my memory of my previous life is to be trusted. I gave him a warm smile.

"So uh, how are you doing today?" I asked him, pushing myself to swing along with him.

"I'm doing great!" he replied, though the huge grin he flashed at me looked a bit forced.

"Good to hear," I said with a nod. The boy continued.

"Yeah, I painted a _nice_ picture on the Hyuuga compund! They'll never know what hit 'em!" He rubbed his nose and gave a thumbs up with such enthusiasm I thought I saw the wind around his hand move.

"Pranks on the Hyuuga...aren't really a good idea…"

"Why not?"

"Their byakugan lets them see through walls, if I'm not mistaken. They probably know it's you," I said, looking at the boy. An apologetic smile danced across my face as his eyes widened.

"NARUTO!!" A voice shouted from somewhere behind us. Naruto and I exchanged glances.

"Uh-oh."

 **A/N:**

 **So uh...yeah this is a rewrite of a fanfic I did a while back on an old dead account of mine. I didn't know what I was doing then, nor do I know what I'm doing now. Enjoy?**

 **Edit: No major plot changes, but general polishing.**


	2. That's a dick

Ah yes, the sound of air rushing past, the wind on my face and the smell of nearby food stalls. The sounds of the market bustling, the marketers haggling a few extra yen from the people. The beautiful blue sky above and the warmth of the sun beating against our backs.

The two Hyuugas behind us, bloodlust and murderous intent almost tangible.

This was fine.

~v~

A few days prior, I was sitting alone underneath a tree in the middle of the park. Some of the parents gave me weird looks. I gave them weird looks back. I had a notepad resting on my lap, a pencil in my hand and the other hand stroking my chin slowly. I looked back at my notepad. _"Plans to survive shit."_ sat at the top, a single bullet point under that and beyond that, there was nothing else. I had no idea when the academy training started, and even that I was scared for. From what I remember, there was taijutsu training, hand-to-hand combat basically, and ninjutsu training. I looked over my forearms, trying to see something I didn't find. Did I even have chakra in this world? Sure, the world before had beliefs of chakra, but not like this. Definitely nothing even close to this world's chakra system. I sighed in defeat and got up and walked back to where I lived.

"Gets slapped into Naruto and doesn't even have chakra," I spoke aloud as I walked, "What kind of shitty self insert is this?"

~v~

As the two of us ran, jumping over things in our way and weaving between people, I wondered what would happen if they actually caught us. I shook my head, my imagination having immediately gone to the worst case scenarios. One of which involved a cake, a man holding that cake, and that man eating said cake, _in front of me._

I shuddered internally. That was a future I did not want.

We rounded a corner and found ourselves face to face with a dead-end alley. I spun round, seeing the two adults slide to a stop.

"You're gonna regret that painting, kid," one said, as they moved towards us. I took a step back. I didn't even finish my notes on how to survive (although, to be fair, it was just a heading), and now I had deal with angry Hyuuga adults? Is this where I die? Not in some epic battle that would decide the fate of humanity? Not by sacrificing myself for the village? Not by eating too much fibre and dying on the toilet?

"W-woah there, calm down guys," I said, trying to, if nothing else, lengthen the time during which I was breathing.

"No need to start an unnecessary fight," I continued, hoping that maybe, _just maybe_ , they'd just leave. But then Naruto stepped in front of me, a grin on his face. My eyes widened.

"Sexy jutsu!" he shouted, his hands forming the final hand seal. A puff of smoke, and like a magic trick, in place of Naruto there was a very well endowed woman. She wore...well...let's say she wore the smoke.

Yes.

The two Hyuugas fell over from nosebleed, the woman turned back to Naruto and we bolted out the alley. I ignored the warm feeling trickling from my nose.

~v~

"Do you see them?"

"Not _them_ , but I see others."

"You think they know?"

"I dunno. Wait, where is this thing?"

"Over there." I followed the blonde's outstretched finger to a wall on across the road.

"It's around the corner. We can't see it from here."

"..." I glanced out from behind the bin once more, before tip-toe-ing along, hiding behind anything and everything.

~v~

"...Naruto?"

"Yes?"

" _This_ is what you painted?"

"Yes."

"It's a dick."

"Yes."

"Why."

"'Cause I thought it'd be fun! Hehe," Naruto scratched his cheek. I had to admit, I knew that Naruto had balls of iron to pull off crazy pranks, but I did not expect _this_. I sighed and dragged a hand over my face.

"Are you just...going to leave it there or…?"

"What good is a prank if nobody sees it?" he replied almost instantly.

"...you have a point, but then again so does this penis you painted." Naruto squinted at me.

"What does-"

"HEY!! GET BACK HERE YOU DAMN BRATS!!"

" _Shit_." I thought as I took off running. I knew that made me even more suspect, but I was not getting caught up in Naruto's crap. Especially when it involved the Hyuugas. _"They're like the strongest in the Leaf or something, right?"_ I thought, as I scrambled round the corner and jumped up the nearest tree. _"Not worth it."_

Naruto ran by underneath, with those two Hyuugas following closely behind. Their shirts looked a bit red. Once their yelling and sounds of chase died down, I let out a sigh of relief.

"What even were you thinking Naruto? This is the Hyuuga for fucks sake," I said, climbing down. I thought I was alone. Then I saw her. A girl with pale eyes and straight black hair, peeping out from the same tree I was hiding behind. She was staring wide-eyed at me. Probably because of my wonderful vocabulary.

"Uhhhh...did you hear that?" A nod.

"How much?" A soft whisper of "all of it." I sighed and shuffled a little closer.

"Do I have to buy your silence or will you listen to my request and not tell anyone?" The girl nodded. I nodded and turned to go before pausing.

"Wait, was that a nod for one or two?" She held up two fingers.

"Ah, okay. Well, seeya Hinata!" I said with a wave. She stared at me wide-eyed.

 _"...She didn't tell me her name, did she?"_


End file.
